I regretted becoming a mom

[Nooze]

I have nobody to talk about this..i had suicidal thought at once and my husband took me to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and was treated with some medication. The feeling was horrible, I felt like having a baby was not my choice but only because I have to. What's even more confusing was a sense of love when i look at my baby but it hurts me so much when the baby cries. I just hate it. My baby is fussy, wouldnt feed on breastmilk either. I felt like the baby doesnt recognise his own mother. Now my mother in law is taking care of my son, i feel so shameful of myself.